The midnight kiss

A lot of fuss is made about the all important New Years Eve kiss, there are numerous movie scenes about it - When Harry Met Sally, About a boy, Mermaids, In search of a midnight kiss, A Kiss at Midnight, even Sex and the City have reiterated the point and now there's even an entire movie around it! I mean really? Is that necessary?

How many of you can honestly tell me you give a toss about it?  I would bet most people don't. Why wait for the clock to strike 12 to make your all important first move? The anticipation would be torture never mind the stress levels. Which would likely end up with you pashing someones nose or chin instead of landing them with the romantic lip smacker you had planned in your head. AWKWARD!

Wikipedia says this about the NYE kiss:


"At midnight, couple embrace for a kiss to celebrate the new year and to set the tone for the new year. Some hold superstition that failing to kiss someone ensures a year of loneliness"


The thought that if, god forbid, you don't have that all important kiss then you will spend the rest of the year alone is rubbish.  Goddammit, get out there and pash someone, anyone!!
Complete poppycock (I really wanted to use that word today), seriously. It's a state of mind if you choose to spend the year alone. The whole tradition of the midnight kiss has far too much influence on what should be a night of fun and celebration with friends and family not about pashing someone. 


I personally think the pash at midnight is the domain of the young. People 30 plus are either married and probably not talking to their wives/husbands at the time or they're divorced and drunk in the corner lamenting the break down of their relationship. Cynical as that may sound let's face it if you think a midnight pash at the turn of the year is something to worry about then you're probably a bit self indulgent and you might want to be a re-evaluate how you think. As Richard Carlson told us "Don't sweat the small stuff".

However, so as not to sound like a complete grinch I have been told of at least one story whereby a couple got together on NYE and the midnight kiss was the first and the deal sealer so it can happen. They have now been together for 8 years and about to get married. But I'd say this is a rare occurrence and if you choose to life your life by this romantic notional bullshit then you need to take off the rose tinted glasses and give them a clean. You're living in la la land and the Vaseline on those lenses needs to come off.

With that in mind IF I did meet someone on NYE and we had our first kiss at midnight then you can bet your ass I'll be shouting it from the rooftops and boring you to death on here about it. 


The fact is you can pash whoever you like on NYE most people do so get out there and pash away. Bring it on I say!!


Happy Christmas everyone!! : )))

Gym bunnies look out!

GIRLS!! It's come to my attention that we may be looking for men in all the wrong places! I was talking to some (married) guy friends of mine about how men and women approach dating and how we're all getting it a little bit wrong.

Interesting...given they are married and don't have to worry about these things anymore it was certainly worth picking their brains to get their perspective on this.

What I found out was that men hang out in bars and sporting events, we know this they do this for fun but really the domain of the single man (the bar) is not really upping his ability to get more ladies. If you think about it most ladies of worth don't hang out in bars every weekend expecting to stumble across the one. Some girls do but they are usually blind by the end of the night and will go home with anything. Which really defeats the purpose of the game.

So, it turns out that single ladies go to things like cookery classes, pottery classes, dance classes and spin classes.

The last one puzzled me a bit as I would never approach or want to be approached in the gym by a potential romeo. This resulted in some heated discussion about singles in the gym. I personally don't think that single girls want to be approached in the gym. For a start they are likely sweating with no make up on and wearing tight lycra they would probably prefer their potential partner not to see them in just yet. The boys disagreed and thought that the gym is the PERFECT place for single men to meet their new special lady. Really? Why? Well the boys are pumping iron and feeling that they look like a boss doing so. Desirable to a lady because they are STRONG and look at me in my shorts, I'm SPORTY!

Fair enough, I'd never thought about it like that before. Perhaps us ladies should be more open to meeting guys in the gym.

So I went to Fitness first last night in for the first time in ages. I haven't entered a gym for a while as I have chosen to work with a personal trainer for the last year. On reflection it does seem that some ladies may have already cracked this code. I does appear it might be more of a social thing than I had realised. For example, there were two good looking young chicks on the machines next to me, who I can safely say weren't really working out. They were casually moving along but there wasn't any sweat breaking on those brows and frankly they were giving the room a constant sweep for potential manslaves.

I, on the other hand, was working out like a pro doing interval training sets and concentrating on the seconds passing. Sweat pouring off me and likely with a red face. Not attractive.

Ok so I've probably been missing a trick. The gym is FULL of boys and they love showing off! Get down to the gym girls and strutt your best lycra I say. Just don't overdo the slap!

Return of the...mangina

Oh dear! It seems my posting about Mr Mangina has reached the eyes of his good self and his colleagues. Whilst I never name names it does seem someone who knows him and his party trick has alerted him to the existence of my blog and asked him if it was him.

Clearly unimpressed by what I had to say about him he texted me and said this:

"I'll have you know that the rare and carefully staged mangina showings have brought great joy and laughter to their limited audiences. You're judging out if [sic] context ;)"

Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that a grown man tucking his tackle between his legs was one of the greatest achievements of comedy.

That wasn't really the point but thanks for letting me know that your mangina is one of your proudest moments in life.

Christ help us all!

The game

So you'll remember from my last post that I went to dinner with a mystery texter whose name I had forgotten on Saturday night.

It didn't start well, he was 40 minutes late to pick me up only marginally redeeming himself by texting me that he was leaving shortly when he was already 20 minutes past the time of proposed pick up.

By the time he actually picked me up 20 minutes after that I was about to text HIM and tell him where to shove it. But I was somewhat intrigued about this mystery date and felt I would have to go on it just to put this whole saga to bed.

So he arrives in a beamer (which he borrowed from his Dad - yes he still lives at home) and as I approach with a huge amount of trepidation and holding my breath I am relieved to find he's not bad at all and I do in fact remember meeting him. That's the first hurdle over anyway!

As we drive along and chat it's obvious that he's either a really bad driver or a bit nervous because he pretty much nearly crashed about 5 times and almost ran pedestrians over on 2 separate occasions, all this on the way to dinner! I was on the edge of my seat thinking if I even make it to dinner without some sort of situation occurring it's going to be a miracle.

Thankfully we do make it to the venue of choice without a grievous chancing. I am very pleased about this since my nerves are all over the place and I really want to down a glass of wine. He chooses Speak Easy in Bondi, a nice relaxed wine bar which I have heard a lot about but never been too. The wine list is impressive as is the food. We order a couple of glasses my favourite french wine and then I ask what he fancied eating. To which he replies:

I am not really hungry so I won't order anything

WHAT? Didn't you ask me to dinner? Why did you do that if you had no intention of eating!

My reply:

Oh really? I thought we were having dinner?! Maybe we could grab a nibbly snacky thing?

Him: yes we could do that. Let's get the bruschetta.

Me: um (I don't want the bruschetta but I am so confused by what is going on I just agree) Ok

The wine arrives and we chat away. I babble on asking him about what he's been up to etc...the usual small talk. He then pulls out what I can only imagine to be his repertoire of 'things to say to girls on a date". The topics included:

You're very decorated is there a story behind all those bangles?

Me: wait what? Um (I got them from DIVA?) Well not really....(I proceed to make something up so as not to look rude) blah blah these are from bali...these are from a friend who makes jewellery for a living (what? where did that come from?!)

Other topics covered:

Older women know what they want

older women are more experienced and

older women don't need you to buy them dinner

Ok ok hang on a minute what was the last one??!! Aside from the fact that there is a lot of chat about the older woman what does he mean you don't need to buy me dinner!? I extract the age of this young buck (as he refers to himself - that says it all really) it's 26. I am a full 10 years older than him and frankly it's becoming more and more obvious that this fella's original 'root' message is really his only goal and the rest is just smoke and mirrors to ensure he gets what he wants.

Oh dear.....do you really think I cannot see that kid?? REALLY?!

As 'dinner' if you can call it that, comes to an end he makes a big song and dance about paying...uh oh think we have been here before...damn straight you are you asked ME out after all. We then leave and he offers to drop me off at my next venue for the night.

On the journey to the party which is only in the next suburb he proceeds to try and pash me at every available red traffic light, this would be nice if he knew how to kiss. His version involved pretty much licking my face. GROSS!

In a repeat of the incoming journey he almost runs a bunch of pedestrians over on a crossing despite me pointing and shouting 'watch the people!'

I cannot wait for him to drop me off. When he does he gets out of the car for some more face licking and asks me to call him later.

Righteo might do I say. (that's not going to happen EVER)

Needless to say I get some messages later about going to his house and staying with him. But as I wasn't interested the first time then you can bet I am not interested this time. And if I wanted my face licked I'd get a labrador.

Who needs a name?!?

A few weeks ago I went for a long boozy lunch with a girlfriend and ended up having evening drinks at Mrs Sippy's in Double Bay.

As you can imagine despite having a hefty lunch this little lushie couldn’t quite take the epic drinking hours in her stride and was rather tipsy by the time the local talent was arriving at double bay’s hottest new bar.

With the courage of a cup of whiskey I stride up to a bunch of young gents and swiftly introduce myself, flirt outrageously and possibly incoherently and manage to swap numbers with one of them.

The thing is.... I have no idea who. Whoever it was had sent me a text message around midnight that same night which read as follows:

“Hey…just met you but want to root you later. Give me a call”

Um…..thankfully I was getting some much needed sleep when this arrived. But is this man serious!?!? ROOT you! LATER?!?!?! I had to laugh. This man got front. I showed it to a couple of my good male friends who evidently thought it was bonza. Whatevs Neanderthals!

I have to admit I did think it was funny but only because I had no idea who it came from and thought it might have actually been a joke.

I thought nothing more of it until last week I was back at said venue after the polo and bumped into a friend who I saw the night of the ‘root’ message. He was with a young gent also there that night and I immediately pulled out the message and asked him if it was him who had sent it. Appalled this guy replid NO very convincingly and they all proceeded to laugh. I was like ok let’s call it then and see if YOU answer. So I did. And no it wasn’t the man standing in front of me. EEK!

I proceeded to ask the man on the line his name which I again immediately forgot. Mainly because I freaked myself out that I had the balls to call him!

Mystery root messenger then sent me sms’s about wanting to buy me a drink and that he was driving so he would pick me up etc…this went on for a while. But I had by then gone home and tucked myself up in bed yet again. This time I didn't wake up to another invitation to be 'rooted' thankfully. Whoever you are you seem keen so I hope to god you’re a good sort after all this!

Again I think nothing more about it until yesterday when I receive another text message from MRM asking if I was free for dinner the next night. Hmmm this is better, an invitation for dinner…we’re making progress. Ok I say and we agree to go for an early dinner as I have a party to go to later that night.

The problem is, I STILL do not know this person’s name. Mortified I finally tell my flattie about this issue and she saves the day by calling him from my home phone which has a blocked number and asked for Jacob (I hope to god his name is not Jacob!!!) Sweating over this small fact whilst she plays detective I finally breathe when it turns out he is NOT in fact Jacob. THANK GOD for that WE HAVE A NAME!!!

So, we’re off for a spot of dinner tonight and he’s picking me up. I still don’t know what he looks like so wish me luck!!

All this from the man who brought you the ‘I want to root you later” message.

Obviously the next blog will be about this dinner…….what this space for more!

xoxo

Dodging a mangina

Recently my lovely flattie asked me how RSVP was going. Not very well I replied whilst simultaneously checking the emails on my phone. As I said this an email kiss popped up from the site.

Oh! I exclaimed, just got a kiss. Let's see who it's from.

As luck would have it, turns out he's not a bad sort. Great, I'll reply in the affirmative and see where it goes. I have a funny feeling I know this guy but just it down to possibly familiarity in his facial features and think nothing more of it.

I receive an email from said suitor and it looks like we have a) a few things in common b) he's not bad to look at and c) he's interested. So far so good.

After a couple of emails we exchange numbers and agree to catch up that Thursday. Cool, date sorted. Feeling suitably ego boosted.

On the wednesday I have a meeting at an ad agency. During this meeting a lot of people attend and there is a somewhat familiar face amongst the crowd. There is a guy in an atrocious orange polo shirt who looks like the guy I am going on a date with the next night. NO! Surely not? Coincidence? Must be.

Slightly freaked out but keeping my cool I continue the meeting like the true professional I am. On the way I check my phone and see a message from my date asking if I was in company x's reception area. Yes! I say I thought there was a face in the crowd that looked like you. Fnar fnar giggles giggles about his gross shirt and confirmation of the next nights date. All cool.

Thursday arrives I get ready and go to meet my date. For some reason I am actually nervous on the way there, so much so I get a headache freaking myself out about it. All good though, the date went amazingly well. We laughed and joked and got on fine. Went to dinner and parted ways around 11:30pm. He sent me a message after telling me he'd had a good day and hoped to see me again.

Great! Finally some success. This shit does work!

We're both reasonably busy over the weekend so I don't expect to hear from him until the following week. Which I didn't. Which confused me a little.

Concerned that I have another meeting in the same building he works in again I decide it's probably best to send a message to inform him I will be in there, not to panic should he see me and hope he's not wearing his orange shirt again as that would be awkward! He replies with this:

"That shirt has been relegated to car and window washing. I'm pretty busy. Might see you around."

Might see you around?? Ok, so he's brushed me. At least now I know. Although I can't fathom how he got to that from "hope to see you again". I'm super confused.

Turns out we have a mutual friend. Who then calls me out of the blue for a catch up. During said catch up she informs me Mr Orange Polo has a reputation of doing this, that he chased her for months and when she finally gave in he acted like the complete douche he is and brushed her quicker than you can say abracadabra. She also informed me that he's the type of bloke who pulls his pants down at parties and performs.......the MANGINA! EWWWWW gross. Looks like I dodged a bullet there. Seriously! What the f*ck!?! Who the feck wants someone like that? This guy is in his mid 30's haven't you grown out of that yet?

She also told me he is punching well above his weight if he thinks he should or could be dating me. Fooking right!

Girlfriends are amazing like that!

Anyone for Polo?

Every year Paspaley hold and event in Centennial park called "polo in the city" it's quite the show let me tell you.

Polo boys in their white polo pants galloping around on those fearless ponies whilst weilding a hammer. It's all very exciting.

Most of the eastern suburbs of sydney are well versed in this event and the ladies turn it on with some heavy preparation of outfits, spray tans and blow dries. They do all look really good. The boys don't make much effort to be honest but they don't need to. The girls are there to find a man and they don't care what he's wearing!

Unfortunately for me, this year I had to attend the event on crutches with a foot injury. This did NOTHING for my pulling ability. And I mean NOTHING. Not even a bat of sympathy for the 'retard' that I was appearing to be. I put on a pretty white sundress and tried to go for the 'damsel in distress' innocent angle. It was pointless. No one wanted to talk to me in case they caught my crutches disease. Actually that's a lie one, quite hot boy, said 'hottest thing on crutches" can't work out if that's a compliment or not. If I hadn't been on crutches would I just be hot??

She looks hot on crutches but that's Gwyneth Paltrow. I'd like to think I looked as good as this too!

Talking of hot the day was literally boiling and most of the ladies were swooning by the only available fans or desprately trying to hide in the little shade there was. I was trying to wrangle a seat in the shade...as you can imagine this was a challenge given some ladies are actually CHAIR NAZIS. WTF?!?!

Me: hi could I please use on of these chairs until your friends come back

Chair Nazi: NO they are all being used

Me: Yes I know that but I will give it back

CN:... silence....

Me: Don't worry about, I'm only on crutches I'll stand in the sun. (sarcasm)

I really hated her at that point. In the end her friend got up and gave me her chair. How embarrassment for the chair nazi. She looked like a right beatch at that point. GOOD!

As the day went on I went to another part of the event to talk to the polo boys and the celebs in the veuve clicquot tent. Definitely more potential here but my girlfriend wanted to stay in the corporate section. So off I went chatted to a few nice boys and then returned to find my girlfriend had left!

Yes she left me, a person on crutches, on my own in the middle of the park. I was horrified.

If only a nice young man had come to save me....alas this didn't happen. An older gent did ask me if I was ok and told me he would ensure I got home ok. Which was a relief because I was close to tears at this point. Definitely working that 'damsel in distress' angle.

Chivalry amongst young men is dead.

This makes me sad.

Daytime TV is rubbish

So I got made redundant recently. This has put a proverbial spanner in the works on the dating front. Mainly because my confidence has taken a big knock from this and I'm struggling to find the motivation to update my CV.

During my 'time off" I did manage to meet up with a guy from RSVP for a coffee. However, I panicked that I did not have a legitimate excuse to leave since I don't have a job to go to, therefore no meetings, or back to work excuses could be allowed. Hmm what's that about??

He was actually a really nice guy and I ended up having 2 coffees (dangerous) whilst he demonstrated by use of sugar sticks how I should stretch my hip flexors more as this was the cause of my back problems. He's a physio so if anything he did have his uses as free advice on how to sort my ongoing back pain.

There was talk of meeting up to play a game of tennis but it hasn't eventuated. This may have something to do with the fact that he can't actually play. He told me he tends to miss the ball a lot. Eh?! You just have to look at the ball at all times it's not that hard!

He has called, I just haven't called him back. I'm blaming concentration on trying to find my mojo so I can get a JOB as the reason for the not calling back yet.

It's true my sparkle has gone a little. I hope to get it back soon because summer is coming and I'm really in a bit of a mess. Can't do much exercise due to my back and have no job. Normally I would fill this time with excessive amounts of exercise but as I can't do that I feel stuck in a rut and at a bit of a loss. There's only so many CV's you can send out. I even watched Days of our lives the other day. It's rubbish. It's beyond me why people watch it. Ellen DeGeneres is crap too. Big hoo har about nothing.

It's a waiting game on the job front now...... someone save me from the perils of daytime TV!!!!

It's all in the hands

We’ve all had bad dates in this past but this one is gold. A good friend of mine recently went on a date with a friend of a friend of a friend. At first she was a little unsure and rightly so. We, as her best mates, had all met said date before hand on a separate occasion. At the time we all agreed he was an arrogant prick and believed we’d left him in that basket.

Except for some reason in a moment of weakness, no doubt, my girlfriend accepted a date with him. Or as she put it, he was so tricky about it she hadn’t even realized she had accepted a date with him when before she knew it she was on it!

The date turned out to be a disaster and over coffee yesterday she relayed the story to me. It went a little something like this:

He picked her up (good start) and suggested they have a drink at a pub in Surry Hills before going to dinner. What he failed to mention however was that his intentions were to watch the rugby, not get to know her over a vino.

Whilst at the pub, her delightful* date bumped into some of his male friends. After introducing them to her they stood talking about the game for a moment before wishing them luck with the date, in which he politely responded with an outrageous hand gesture that suggested he was going to get lucky with my friend that night.

And this was it:


Clearly she was horrified! What the eff??! As they walked off she asked him what that was about. His answer ‘oh I was just joking with my mates, you know”. Umm yeah you’re a tool matey.

They made their way to the restaurant for her to discover he hadn’t made a booking resulting in an hour long wait for a table, this meant more time to get to know each other (like she needed more time).

The date really wasn’t going well and he was just as arrogant as she remembered. Topics covered were: His disbelief in ‘the one’, that love isn’t real and statistically relationships don’t work so why bother getting married.


Clearly this man didn’t see my friend as a potential partner but an easy lay. He then proceeded to talk about one of the more embarrassing moments in my friends life where she had a massive fight with her then boyfriend, got smashed and decided to throw herself out there a bit at a party. We’ve all done it but really you’re bringing this up on a date!?!? Way to go buddy!

Evidently bristled by this she asks him not to mention this again as it’s not something she tends to do and was not her proudest moment. With this he gets annoyed that her mood has changed and leaves an uncomfortable silence at the table.

After ordering the most expensive thing she could find on the menu, fumbling through awkward silences and praying for time to go faster they finally finish dinner. He pays (again looks like he might have some manners at last) but no, wrong! He actually said this as he paid:

“This better get me a blowie”

OMG!!! This level of douchbag should be castrated at birth. WHAT A COCK!!!

In the cab ride home she sat as far away as possible from him just in case douchbag is something that rubs off and when he asked if she wanted to go for another drink (this man has no effing idea really!? Are you serious!?) she replied NO I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

Honestly. I was actually speechless. I’ve had one date in my life where the guy used the old ‘blow job’ line at payment time. I left him in the restaurant. HOW RUDE!

*absolutely not delightful.

Internet fating

So on the advice of my very good girlfriend I have signed up to RSVP again. Previous experience on RSVP has been largely unsuccessful, there are plenty of previous posts on this when I started this blog. Like the time I went to the Easter Show on a second RSVP date with a man and his kids. DISASTER!

Anyway said friend has been coaching me through this second foray into Internet dating as understandably I'm not convinced it's generally a successful format for me.

We discuss at length how I should write my profile and what type of pictures I should put up. The general consensus is that I should aim for INNOCENT and less OI OI ERE's ME TITS.

Naturally of course the idea is to find a potential partner not someone to have a good old bonk fest with. I mean, I don't think it's hard to find a Mr Right now tonight. The average male is pretty much always up for it so anyone who says they can't get it in this city is blatantly lying. It's finding the man who wants to stick around that is generally the problem.

RSVP is no different to the wild world of bar life to be honest. There are the guys who are clearly on their for sex and there are those who are clearly social deviants and should be avoided at all costs. Much like out in the bar. If you see a guy who looks like a potential paedo then chances are that guy is on RSVP possibly lying about himself in his profile with a shot taken in the days where he looked a lot less paedo and only slightly creepy. The thing is even if you do choose a slightly less peado shot it's RSVP and WE KNOW you're creepy. It's screams out so loud from your profile it becomes a ick fest just to delete the kiss you sent to get you off my screen. EEK!

Then there are the out and out douche bags. You know the one, he generally has some black and white shirtless profile shot with him attempting to look like he was once in a boy band. This is closely followed up with a shot of him on his bike, in his sports car and doing some extreme sports. If you're really lucky he will also have a shot of him with a cute puppy. Bleuuurrgghh. His profile headline will be some cheesy attempt at hiding his blatant reason for being on there which is for the most part sex. Then his write up with have the inevitable bullshit about how he likes to 'cook up a storm' in the kitchen and how he has 'travelled a fair bit'. Then he will talk about what a gent he is and how he likes walks on the beach and the clincher being that his favourite film is 'The Shawshank Redemption". This man lacks imagination and will likely be a dud in bed. His hope is that YOU send HIM a kiss because he is FAR too stingy to pay for a stamp to send YOU and email. Why would he, he's too pretty to pay right?! This man should be avoided.

DOUCHEBAG ALERT!!!

You may think I am being too picky but after much discussion about what to do and what not to do on RSVP my friend and I are in agreement that you can be as picky as you like on RSVP after all it's really a chance to ask for everything you look for in the perfect man. Whether that be his height, his hair colour, or where he lives. When you've got past the surface stuff you really need to look for some comedy in the profile read. One of my favourite guys on there has his headline as "I have a beard, this makes me a man" GOLD! I love it, I want him to send me a kiss but alas he has not. I think that one of the rules my gf and I made up was we will never send a kiss EVER. We are to be chased on this site and that is that.

Thus far I have had the attention of every male on there in the 40-50 age group some guys who are clearly on the creepy side, a few hilarious douche bags and those with some promise. I've replied in the positive to all those with promise. I've only had one bite and I'm worried he's a bit boring. He's may just be reserved but I'm not getting much from him over email and he's not that forthcoming with organising to meet up. I've suggested it and supplied my number. I still await!

I am an RSVP failure by the looks of it. BOO!!! Maybe I am coming across as a lady version of douche bag. I didn't use cook up a storm I promise!

Birthday this weekend and I have a hot dress and a spray tan to parade. Let's see what the weekend brings!

Well this is awkward....

So recently I was on a worky lunch at a fabulous restaurant at wooloomooloo wharf. Friday lunches here are popular with the banking and advertising peeps so I knew quite a few people.

There I was socializing away when I see a guy I have been on a few dates with over the past few weeks, with…wait for it…one of my best girlfriends!

Talk about AWKWARD!!!!!

I was so flabbergasted that all I could do was scream out ‘Oh and how do you two know each other??!?!?!” in my best double bay voice.

Apparently they met at the football, something which I have recently gotten said girlfriend into as an untapped source of men. Hmm yeah I didn’t mean MY men love!

Interestingly enough they had both invited me to attend that same game separately with them so they were destined to meet as it were. I couldn’t make it because I already had commitments with the redbull stuff I was doing.

So off back to lunch with my worky peeps I went holding my head high whilst inwardly feeling really quite f*cked off. Not that I have much right to but a bruise to the ego is a bruise to the ego and this one was the type of bruise you get when you walk into the corner of the table. Short sharp and shocking.

This particular breed of male and I had had about 3 dates in total all of which were good dates and seemed promising but he never really seemed to follow it up so time between dates was quite lengthy. I did seem something was amiss but I put it down to perhaps he wasn’t that interested after all and I was merely a stopgap between other dates. Looks like I was right about that. Arrggghhhh how dare he use me when he gets bored!

What’s worse is that this guy is a tad on the creepy side. I met him at the polo in the park about a year ago and at the time he was relatively sleazy, I put it down to him having been on the champers all day and gave him another chance. But the sense of creepiness never really went away. In retrospect she did me a favour, at least now I know what he’s really like and what he really thinks of me.

At one point my friend went to the bathroom and he sidled over, as he does, to have a ‘chat’ – fook off seriously! In order to make him know how I felt about the entire episode I asked him if he would like my phone so he could call up my other girlfriends for a date. He didn’t like that. Whatevs TOSSER!!

on the other hand 22 is far too young

I met a guy or should I say boy at a well known establishment in the eastern suburbs of Sydney a couple of weeks ago.

There I was with my awesomely sexy girlfriend and my tip toparama self minding my own business chugging on the vino, when BOOM! this manchild rocks up to me.

Good lord this manboy was big. I mean an enormous human. I was concerned that perhaps he wasn't actually a human and maybe there had been some sort of break out from the gorilla enclosure at Taronga Zoo.

This particular brand of ape was quite popular with the ladies it would seem but he was only interested in talking to this foxy vixen.

Yeap I looked EXACTLY like this on the night. No wonder he wanted a piece of me! Look at me, I'm smoking!

Now, from my experience the size and general demeanour of this person told me that he was likely a footballer. At this point I'm not sure whether that be Union or League but he was big and I was guessing he'd be a prop or forward. If you are at all versed in either of those games you'll know what kind of human bean I am talking about.

He tried his very best to tell me he was a vet! hahahah like really HILARIOUS! As if. First of all manchild, I hate to point out the bleeding obvious but you look about 21 and the last time I looked vet school took a few years to finish, like SEVEN! Plus you have big fat sausage fingers that I doubt would have the dexterity required to perform veterinary tasks.

Like that time when Dr Chris Brown did surgery on a mouse, he was amazing, his dexterity is somewhat to be admired. Yeah that was awesome when he did that.....Ahhh....Dr Chris Brown..if only....

That's not a mouse, it's a baby wallaby, but you get my drift!

After a bit of coercing he finally admitted he does played football righto I say just my luck. I seem to be a footyboy magnet, not that I'm complaining but they're hardly poster boys for their respectful treatment of chicks or well anything really are they? Unlike this dude who is pure heaven.....

Ok so he seemed keen but I really had to point out the age gap, it was hanging there in the air like a giant plastic penis. I politely asked him his age pointing out that he really needed to let me know as I didn't want to appear obscene (read as 'cradle snatcher') I don't mind being a bit of a cougar, I mean I even wear jewellery to advertise the fact but this was getting ridiculous! What is it with young boys and their obsession with older chicks?!?
He truly couldn't believe my age and kept asking my girlfriend if it was true! Turns out he was 22 and yes, this is a little young even for me.
Don't get me wrong I don't look like the epitomy of a cougar. I don't look like this for instance:

But at 22 manchild was too young for me. I agreed to have a drink with him and off we went to the bar. I turned around to ask him something and POOF! He'd gone. Oh dear, how embarassment for me. Guess the age gap was an issue after all.

Or so I thought! I did end up giving him my number in this small daliance and he recently sent me a text saying "now look who's disappeared!' Well I never, let's see what he has to say then. After a bit of banter I demand he come and take me out for a coffee whilst I'm at work. I manage to totally embarass him going on and on about his size and saying stupid things like 'go on then, show us yer wingspan'! WTF?!?! Where did that even come from?! It's a great chat up line, try it sometime. FARK!!!!!

It was actually quite a fun little distraction from the nitty gritty of the ad world and he is terribly cute in a monkeyish kind of way. I wonder if he will call upon me for a coffee again?? I hope so. It's a massive ego boost that's for sure!!!!

42 is not the answer

ok I have a theory about men aged 42. They are full on psychopaths....
If you don't believe me refer back to a previous post 'Dates with Fatalities part 1' and now I have yet another story to share.

Bit of background:
Phil who makes my coffee for me every morning at Koko in Surry hills asks me one day if I am 'available'



...depends on who's asking. He tells me one of his customers has spied me and thinks I am hot. Very brash. Fair dues the guys giving it a crack so I may as well be game and go for it. After extracting some details about said man. I pass on my digits.

So blind date is an architect, 42, divorced got 2 kids. All good. I'm no spring chicken and I'm already thinking about what an amazing house we could have together......you know the type one where I can have a amazeballs parties for all my friends. We'd drink french champagne and take dips in the pool whilst the butler gets the caviar.



So we talk on the phone and he seems like a nice chappie. Very chatty. may have mentioned the divorce once and how hard it was on the kids, followed by an uncomfortable pause. I brush it off and we arrange to meet up for lunch. Which we did, today.

We went for thai at a local eatery to work, probably should have ventured further afield given the nature of the rendezvous but I didn't think about it early enough.
I arrive he's not bad looking, nicely dressed things are looking up for a wednesday. We order, he pays - it's one of those pay up front jobbies, all good, he's a gent we like that. So far so good. Until....he starts banging on about his divorce AGAIN.
Yeap that's right he tells me ALL about it. How hard it was on the kids, how he had an affair, how he had a break down, how he had to go see a psychologist, how his ex wife dealt with it blah blah blah.....all this over LUNCH!!!



yeah I was shocked! I didn't even have a wine in my hands. So ill prepared was I for this onslaught of Dr Phil over my lunch. WTF!??!!
Clearly this guy is not over wifey or what he did by having the affair. I tried to steer the conversation away from the disaster divorce but to no avail. He REALLY wanted to talk about it. He even told me I was free to ask any questions I like about it!

Er...no thanks I really don't give a shit matey.

He didn't bother to ask me anything about myself he was far too busy banging on about himself. I learnt alot about this man in the 1 hour I spent with him. Enough to know that it's probably not worth meeting up with him again. I ain't your substitute therapist and your baggage can stay well and truly in your own downstairs cupboard away from me thank you very much.

Finally managed to get him to shut up enough for me to say I have to get back to work and made my escape. Not without him asking me if I'd like to meet up again. I said I'll call you......

....I won't be.

Energy for a sausage fest

A couple of weeks ago I got invited to become a redbullMobile scout. This meant I get to go to redbull sponsored events all the while using the HTC Cha Cha mobile phone on the redbullMobile network.

CHA CHA

Loaded up with redbull apps including X fighters games as well as access to the redbull music academy and portal it is certainly impressive. However, being an avid iPhone user I am still confused more than life itself and I battle with the phone whilst the other scouts (there are 8 of us in total) seamlessly manage to connect to anything and everything in a matter of seconds. Not embarrassed much, technical retard over here.




I’ve always thought of myself as a panda, you know cute, cuddly maybe too much eye make-up….

Boating

The event itself is being held on cockatoo island not far from the mainland in Sydney harbour. We arrive at the ferry wharf at Star city casino and board an enormous boat decked out in redbull umbrellas and of course fridges of redbull just to get the crowd really wound up. We are in the 'friends of redbull' section, which is a mixture of corporate guests, sponsors, athletes, minor celebs, major celebs and us. I count us as minor celebs at this point, somewhere around F list I think. We are not celebs obviously but today WE ARE!

And just quietly this event is a veritable sausage fest I should definitely point this out for all the single ladies reading this update for future ref. Attend extreme sports events wherever possible!

Weiner Anyone?

Blokes everywhere! I had to text my lucky girlfriends whom I gave tickets too to be aware of this fact and suitably remove clothing that wasn’t absolutely necessary.

The Isolator

I managed to attract the attention of one of the redbull athletes. Nice bloke bit clingy though.

Apparently those who know him well call him The Isolator. I think that speaks for itself and I certainly experienced it. Once he got introduced to me at the VIP area he was very keen to get my number and ensure that we 'hung out' all day and at the after parties. He was certainly a cool dude and I didn't mind having someone to hang about with during the event but then it got a bit awkward after that. On the return boat journey I bumped into some footy boys, bondi lifegaurds from Bondi Rescue, X fighters riders and even Axle Whitehead from Home and Away. All of which seemed keen for me to hang with each of them. It was overwhelming and completely full on. This coupled with Jonny desperately trying to hold my hand the whole time. AWKWARD!

I panicked and made an escape dash to the hotel for a quick rest before embarking to The Sheaf in double bay for a beverage or 3 with my good friend Benny Smith.
Ahhh here he is, my secret love. I would like to marry Benny but he's really not having a bar of it. Shame, for I would make him a lovely wife......


As you can see Benny is totally smitten with me....

Later....

But back to 'The Isolator', I did go to the after party and as I walked in he was the first person I saw and yes he lived up to his nickname. I got isolated straight away to a corner. I felt terribly trapped and at one point made up some story about going to the bathroom. I didn't do a runner then but maybe I should have. In the end I told him I wasn't feeling well and needed to go home. After a tiring 10 minutes of telling him no he can't come back to my hotel I finally got in a cab.

I can't really complain as he is a nice guy and has been polite ever since. Sending texts to say he is thinking of me. But I can't help thinking that I missed out on a good opportunity to meet some other males, most of whom were out of towners so clearly not touched by any other sydney lady

Grass is always greener eh!?