Dating at breakneck speed

I'm a little behind in my postings I'm afraid but frankly speed dating made me lose the will to live.

Quite honestly it is probably one of the weirdest and most exhausting experiences of my life. I would NEVER do it again and I really don't recommend it to anyone. I'm not even sure what the point of it is really.

First of all the place it was held in was questionable -  I had never heard of this place and it is not that far from where I live. Also it was basically a pokey little room with a poor excuse for a barman who could not even be bothered to man the bar during the 'break' in the event. I almost cause a riot trying to get more alcohol to get me through the horror of it all.

I knew it wasn't going to be a great experience when I spotted an odd looking half balding, skinny man at the bar. He was clearly part of the dating team and in all seriousness he looked like a peadophile. Whilst it's not adviseable to judge a book by it's cover, given the circumstances it's hard not to categorize people without using the physicalities as a benchmark.

I sat next to the only other 2 chicks there and proceeded to ask them if they had done anything like this before. To my surprise they both had and so given my thoughts on the phenomenon that is speed dating I am left wondering why on earth they decided to go back.

There were 18 guys and girls in the group. It quickly filled out with men who I would never likely talk to in your average bar set up so I wasn't hoping for much except for a wasted evening. Armed with a huge glass of wine I took my seat next to my allocated number and let the proceedings begin.

First up was a chef from South Africa. He was a small, skinny nervous looking bloke who had clearly no confidence when talking to the opposite sex. I felt sorry for him starting with me. He had a list of questions for christsake! Which of course I immediately pointed out with 'is that a list of questions?!?!? Not sure that's a good way to approach this.' Hmm I bet he thought thanks for that you opinionated bitch. 

What followed was an array of males across a vast spectrum. From bankers to musical salesmen, there were plenty of guys from India and Asia - not my cup of tea but to be honest they were all very polite and amusing at times. The dates lasted 4 minutes and the two fat chicks running it were extremely annoying constantly banging a bucket with a spoon. It certainly wasn't an enjoyable experience I have to say. I could have hit her over the head with that damn bucket let me tell you. There was an amusing russian guy who I proceeded to quiz about the women of the eastern block versus the aussie babe. He told me eastern block women are hell bent on finding a good man outside of russia because basically russian men come in 5 classifications. They are alocholics, revolutionaries, billionaires, mafia, victims of war. I asked him what he was, his answer......alcoholic. Hmm attractive. I think he was joking but given he seemed on the surface to be none of the others I'm guessing that's about as good as it gets unless you are a billionaire!

There were no stand outs and at the end they encourage you to say yes to people you normally wouldn't, I felt obliged to tick against 'friend' on some guys that in all honesty I wouldn't bother having more than well a 4 minute conversation with in a bar. Which it looks like I'd already done so it seemed like a waste of time! 

The next day I got all my results. 14 out of the 18 guys there said they would like to date me. I had ended up with 6 new friends. All of which either SMS'd or emailed me that same day. I was totally overwhelmed by the speed at which they replied, although given the name of the event not sure why I was surprised by that really! I have not replied to any of them. One of them even called to give me a serve for not replying! Thank god I didn't he's clearly so desperate he's getting angry about a person he met at speed dating!! Good lord what is the world coming to?!? No one should be that desperate that they think speed dating is the answer. It really is not worth it.

and a small fizzling out

Things are not going well. I'm at date 3 with an RSVP date and last night over dinner he asked me what I expected out of RSVP. I nearly choked on my chopstick and my immediate thought was "FARK! what does that mean?' So I panicked and replied that I wasn't expecting anything just having some fun and meeting people. I then went on about how anyone who expected anything from it was a total loon and needed their heads read since it's clearly bollox the whole thing. Something tells me he was one of those people and I had managed to completely belittle him in that one sentence. I then went on about how I was planning to go speed dating as well and that I presumed that it would be a total hoot and certainly not a means to actually finding someone. I mean how ridiculous. And yes, he has been speed dating and I am guessing took it seriously. He asked me why I was still on RSVP. I suspect this was a ploy to see if I was going to take my profile down for him but I told him the truth. 'Well, I've paid up for RSViP for another week so am going to see it out!'  

The evening was left with a small kiss on the cheek and a have a good weekend.

Oh well at least I managed to make it to date 3 which is unusual for me! 

So out tonight and then to the rugby tomorrow (alone! Prime perving to be had!)

To rugger or not

I was supposed to be going to see the local rugby team play with the 'man who likes mad crim birds' last weekend. It was my idea although I did somewhat regret it afterwards. I mean what was I thinking putting myself in a position whereby I had to be attentive and nice to a new dating partner when there are hot young nubile sports men to be ogling and flirting with? Madness I tell you! And why would I expose my secret perve fest place to him anyway? 

So I cancelled saying I was far too exhausted to deal with a crowd of people. This was true, the week had been pretty traumatic. Having tried to arrange for Sunday instead to meet up, I again cancelled in favour of the couch and also trying to apologise to my neighbours. 

Not thinking I agreed to a Friday night date this week. Panic hit just after the phone call. How the f**K am I going to get out of this. Friday night is far too much this early on. There's no escape route! No "I have a meeting in the morning so must be off now" or 'let's do brunch as I have to meet friends later" ooooo noooooo Friday night only means one thing. You are stuck with them ALL night.

Fortunately I have changed this to Thursday night now citing I had mixed up my Friday night plans with a girlfriend to be Thursday. More like I made her do it so I could get out of Friday with the date. 

So, what is wrong with this guy might you ask? Well, nothing really. He's kind, sincere, adorably nice. Problem is he's too nice and well it's just not that attractive. Christ! Will I ever learn? Perhaps it will just take time. I going to persevere just on my terms and why not!?

Tapas and legals

So this week has been eventful to say the least. The fall out after last Saturday's proceedings has been full on. I have had to have chats with legalaid, mediators, the police and my landlady about it all and basically explain myself like a naughty child. Subsequently the swallowing of pride has had to take place and an onslaught of apologies put out by myself.

My date this week went well despite my high stress levels. I asked that my date organise everything since I had no available thinking space due to my busy week of trouble. He did a good job and I was suitably impressed. He left me a message with full details and times, it has been noted! We met in the Green park for some pre dinner drinks whereby we chatted and I filled him in on the latest with my neighbours. He was sympathetic and agreed that it does seem to have been blown all out of proportion. Which was good because at the time I just needed someone to support me and not try to help or criticize. We then went for tapas where he had had the incite to book at table and even offered to request an outside table since I have this week taken up smoking again whilst I stress the bejesus out.

Lots of chatting over dinner all good and well. We then return to the green park for more drinks, at which point my date's hands get a little fruity and start fawning over my legs and arms and hands. A little bit too much for a second date I felt. I controlled this by making conversation points that required some hand gesturing on my part so as to release my hands from his grip. However, he would come back to it. It felt a bit too intimate for someone I have only met twice and this is the second time! 

As we walked down the street he went to hold my hand. Again I found this weird and way too forward for a second date. It was indeed a little uncomfortable. I hardly know this guy and I don't think given my week that I am receptive to this kind of approach just yet. 

Needless to say the next day I was unsure if I wanted to go on another date with this person due to the hand holding rubbish from the night before. He did send a text message to apologise for his octopus like behaviour at which I thanked him for recognising it. At least he has the balls to see that and attempt to rectify. He obviously has some great qualities.

We were due to go to the rugby yesterday but I pulled out as am extremely exhausted from the week from hell, he was fine about it and suggested I go for a walk to gain some balance.  I also got a parking ticket this week for a time when I was no where near the suburb let alone on the right side of the bridge! And the ranger lied on the infringement saying he chalked my tires! Not sure how when I or my car wasn't even there!!! GRRRRRRR. Must do some yoga.

Roast Lamb and then some Pig

I had a dinner party on Saturday night for 5 of my close friends. It was a roaring success of delicious roast lamb and roast potatoes with apple tart for dessert.

After dinner we played the rizla game and partook in some dancing. All was great until my neighbour (who hates me because I was once too loud on my phone on my balcony) called the police to complain I was making too much noise!

Quite alarming was this behaviour since he didn't even bother to ask me to turn down the music nor our conversation level. The police were aggressive to say the least and the anger which arose in me due to my neighbours insolence resulted in my being man handled off my own front doorstep bare footed and with no phone or keys and thrown rather heavy handedly into the back of the paddy wagon. 

Quite the shock as you can imagine. It might have been something to do with my response of "What the F....! Don't you guys have better things to do like find murderers or something?! What a joke!" 

Nonetheless there I was cold and shoeless thinking lordy what am I going to do now?! My guests for all I know are unaware of my current status and are happily drinking red wine in my lounge room whilst my front door is open to the crackheads and robbers of my local area with me about to be escorted off to the local cop shop. 

Luckily this was not the case. My rough man handling by the cops had been witnessed by one of my guests who was minding his own business having a ciggy on my balcony. He came down and managed to talk the piggies into letting me out. His description of me in the van was of total decorum and poise! Hmm... that's not what was going through my head I can tell you! But it was a relief to be out of there as I really didn't know what I was going to do about it all!

Anyway, after being let out I realised I was bloody furious at my treatment for having a dinner party with god forbid some fun and frollicks going on. So I confronted my neighbours which resulted in the police paying me a visit again, this time there were more of them and this time I got a ticket for noise pollution or some other crap, I wasn't actually listening to what he was saying I was so blind and deaf with rage and fury that I screwed up said ticket and threw it at that awful rough handed man's head. He was indeed the true definition of a pig.

So the next morning I had arranged to have brunch with an RSVP date. I was really in no fit state having some depressive feelings about the over the top treatment from the police the night before and a monster hangover to boot. My date sent me a text "I've got a seat outside see you soon". Holy moly! Seat? Outside? Where? What's going on? Did I already make these arrangements? I was waiting for a call to get time and place etc....! I immediately call him to congratulate him on finding an outside seat but to ask where the seat he has found is? An embarrassing 'we agreed this over text' conversation ensued at which he was right and I was wrong and to which I then had to semi explain my situation from the night before which went something like this...

'Well you see the thing is, I almost got arrested last night from front door step whilst having a dinner party and I'm a little shaken up and dreadfully hungover. Can you give me 30 minutes?" Thankfully he offered to come closer to me whilst I got ready and so we made an arrangement to meet at a local coffee shop down the road from me.

When I arrived I launched straight into my horrific story of the night before and went on and on and on and on.....to which it occurred to me after some time that he might think me a little mad.

He did but he found it hilarious. He also paid for breaky and then walked me home. He then sent me a thank you message and asked if he could see me again. I was quite frankly surprised given what I had just put him through! I mean I had virtually told him I'm a reckless drunk who has run ins with her neighbours and the police. Well that's basically what I was on Saturday night.  I replied by thanking him for wanting to see me again and accepted the invitation to another date. I mean how could I say no after that?!?!

Date 2 with "I like mad birds who might be criminals" man is on Wednesday (tomorrow and he's already offered to pay for dinner. Things are looking up!)

Props and powder

Yesterday I popped into my hairdressers for my bi-annual hair cut. Yes I am different to most females in that I actually hate having my hair done and so only venture into the salon when absolutely necessary.

Luckily for me I have amazing hair and can get away with it!!!!

But I digress, during my visit I was chatting away to my hairdresser about my latest venture, ie. this blog and the stuff that goes with it. He was enthralled to say the least and immediately suggested a mate of his who is recently single. Make that divorced approximately 18 months ago and recently out of another live in relationship. I'm suspicious of people who serial relationship types. Makes me think they are too co-dependent.

A lady two seats down from me in the salon was part of this discussion and assured me that this guy was a great guy and I should meet him. Ok, I said, why not! I mean I am in this for a reason and therefore must accept all invitations to meet members of the opposite sex when invited. 

As one of my main criteria for a future partner is TALL I asked how lofty this was. I was told by my knew lady friend that he was of reasonable height at 5ft 11in, which is fine for me as I am a shorty myself but I have a big personality that frankly makes me feel larger than I am most of the time. Basically I need a big man to put me in my place. 

Great, all sorted my hairdresser then styles my hair into some fabulous curly concoction and off I go to prepare myself for an evening of fun.

The meeting place is Bayswater Brasserie in the Cross. Suitable venue, classy unlike most venues in the cross, they serve good wine and the staff are friendly. I arrive looking smoking hot if I do say so myself and since I am arriving alone to a group of established friends I walk in with the mantra in my head that " I am the hottest woman in the room" to boost my confidence and hopefully my overall presence.

I arrive and see my hairdresser straight away which is a relief as I didn't want to be wandering around for too long searching for who? I don't even know what my date looks like! This is truly a blind date! My HD is so excited he can barely contain himself which was ace as he has lots of energy and the most amazing laugh! High pitched and infectious like he just inhaled some helium! After purchasing a drink (thanks HD) I am introduced to single friend. 

I'm not sure what I expected, nothing really best to try and be surprised I reckon, but he was definitely shorter than I imagined or indeed lead to believe. No matter, short or not he was polite and lovely and had impeccable manners which is rare in the sydney male! He was attentive, chatty and sweet but alas other than a good chat and a few drinks there was definitely no potential there for me. I am sure he would make a lovely partner but not for me. 

As the night wore on and my lady friend from the salon came in and out of the conversation, after many trips to the toilet to powder the nose she bowled up to me and asked me how it was going, good I say but he's not for me. To which she replied "what's wrong? I gave you props!" hmm what??? Props?! Did you say props?? What are you talking about lady? "American idol! Do you watch it?" No I say, "you can't be friends with me then!" No great loss I think. Bloody props, christ god help us am I in The Truman Show now?!