It's all in the hands

We’ve all had bad dates in this past but this one is gold. A good friend of mine recently went on a date with a friend of a friend of a friend. At first she was a little unsure and rightly so. We, as her best mates, had all met said date before hand on a separate occasion. At the time we all agreed he was an arrogant prick and believed we’d left him in that basket.

Except for some reason in a moment of weakness, no doubt, my girlfriend accepted a date with him. Or as she put it, he was so tricky about it she hadn’t even realized she had accepted a date with him when before she knew it she was on it!

The date turned out to be a disaster and over coffee yesterday she relayed the story to me. It went a little something like this:

He picked her up (good start) and suggested they have a drink at a pub in Surry Hills before going to dinner. What he failed to mention however was that his intentions were to watch the rugby, not get to know her over a vino.

Whilst at the pub, her delightful* date bumped into some of his male friends. After introducing them to her they stood talking about the game for a moment before wishing them luck with the date, in which he politely responded with an outrageous hand gesture that suggested he was going to get lucky with my friend that night.

And this was it:


Clearly she was horrified! What the eff??! As they walked off she asked him what that was about. His answer ‘oh I was just joking with my mates, you know”. Umm yeah you’re a tool matey.

They made their way to the restaurant for her to discover he hadn’t made a booking resulting in an hour long wait for a table, this meant more time to get to know each other (like she needed more time).

The date really wasn’t going well and he was just as arrogant as she remembered. Topics covered were: His disbelief in ‘the one’, that love isn’t real and statistically relationships don’t work so why bother getting married.


Clearly this man didn’t see my friend as a potential partner but an easy lay. He then proceeded to talk about one of the more embarrassing moments in my friends life where she had a massive fight with her then boyfriend, got smashed and decided to throw herself out there a bit at a party. We’ve all done it but really you’re bringing this up on a date!?!? Way to go buddy!

Evidently bristled by this she asks him not to mention this again as it’s not something she tends to do and was not her proudest moment. With this he gets annoyed that her mood has changed and leaves an uncomfortable silence at the table.

After ordering the most expensive thing she could find on the menu, fumbling through awkward silences and praying for time to go faster they finally finish dinner. He pays (again looks like he might have some manners at last) but no, wrong! He actually said this as he paid:

“This better get me a blowie”

OMG!!! This level of douchbag should be castrated at birth. WHAT A COCK!!!

In the cab ride home she sat as far away as possible from him just in case douchbag is something that rubs off and when he asked if she wanted to go for another drink (this man has no effing idea really!? Are you serious!?) she replied NO I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

Honestly. I was actually speechless. I’ve had one date in my life where the guy used the old ‘blow job’ line at payment time. I left him in the restaurant. HOW RUDE!

*absolutely not delightful.