New Year new love

So yes it's true I have been very out of touch on this for a couple of months. My only excuse is that I got really busy work wise at the end of last year and had to put dating on hold for a while.

Whilst I did go out and party there was no man action whatsoever and to be totally honest, I didn't mind at all. It wasn't that I was shoving them away with a stick or anything I just wanted to spend time with friends when I did have time.

Work was going gangbusters which was great and needed since the christmas break means no work and no pay for freelancers like myself.

Having said that there was some inkling of something going on in the background. I was on stalkbook one day just trawling around other peoples pages, as you do and came across a comment from a guy I had briefly met and fallen for 5 years ago. What was alarming was the way I felt when I saw his name. Which was exactly as I had felt when I first met him all those years ago. My heart almost jumped out of my chest and I was on the verge of a panic attack. I could hardly control myself. I knew I had to make some sort of contact with him given this was a chance to reconnect and to see where and what he had been doing.

After a few deep breaths I manage to arrange my thoughts to simply sending a short message to say hello, do you remember me and I would love to hear from you kind of thing. I sent it off with mild anticipation in the hope that he would write back but knowing that there is a high chance he won't write back at all.

I should probably give you a little bit of background about this guy at this point. He was playing for a local rugby league team when I met him. No surprises there. His team were watching the local rugby union boys play as at that particular time both codes were top of their respective tables. The league boys were at the end of the game quite inebriated and had started playing dragon races with their drinks. I was tut tutting at their childish and disrespectful behaviour in our clubhouse when I hear a voice to the side of me say: "so childish aren't they?" I spun around quite shocked at being busted doing a great impression of my mother, to see a rather large and good looking blond haired man smiling at me. Taken aback as I was by him catching me tutting at the boys I began to ramble on about how they should grow up and it was so typical of league boys to be like that blah blah.....when it suddenly occurred to me that he was probably one of them given his size and the fact I had never seen him at the club before. I promptly shut up and then quietly said...you're one of them aren't you? ...yes I am but don't hold that against me....MORTIFIED was what I was. Embarrassed to the hilt I started apologizing profusely. Luckily for me he was ok about it and said what I thought was for the most part true.

I have to say he was quite different from what I expected from a league player. He was intelligent for a start, he took me off into a corner (as boys do) and we chatted for ages about stuff, life, I can't even remember. I did feel conscious at one point I was keeping him from his friends but he assured me that he would much rather be talking to me.

I think I fell in love with him straight away. We became good friends - he was in a hiatus period with his girlfriend whom he had a child with and I was in a similar situation with the advertwat I was on and off with.

We spent many a night talking on the phone for hours. We met up a few times and when they played in the grand final he asked me to go and meet him with the boys for their end of year celebration - known as Mad Monday. We got pretty drunk and almost kissed in front of everyone. Big no no since his hiatus with the missus was likely one sided from him. She found out, when ballistic and I never heard from him again.

I found out only last year that she found out and had forbidden him to go on the end of year trip. Needless to say I felt a little bit shady about it when I sent my recent message.

So back to that, he did write back which again sent my heart rate sky high. It was a pleasant first contact along the lines of 'of course I remember you, how could I forget' and other information. The main one being that he has retired from football and is coming back to Sydney from London.

More emails exchanged and I give him my number to call me when he gets back so we can catch up. He calls straight away, we chat like old friends and we hadn't been apart. The magic was still there.

Just before I went away for christmas I get a text message from a number I don't recognise asking me if it is ok to call, but I've had a few pints. Who is this???!?!?! Intrigued I say sure go ahead. It is of course him, he's quite tiddly and proceeds to tell me that I have come into his life as he is at crossroads again like I did before. That he is planning to leave his partner and this has nothing to do with me and that he really wants to see me when he gets back. He talks to me for ages standing in the freezing cold outside the pub with no jacket on, fighting off other people who want his attention. I am shocked at this news. He does say that there's no pressure and if I don't feel anything then that is fine. I do but I'm not sure what it is.....

I've been thinking about it over and over. Christmas was filled with these thoughts. I got a message on Christmas eve to wish me a good time and that there will be no more contact until he has dealt with the wife situation and is back in the country. I still don't know what to think. He's back in the country in 9 days.........eek