Gutted to the power of 10

Carrying on from my Friday post, he contacted me. It was a bit on the cold side and rather more 'balls in your court' kind of attitude. I picked that up but chose to ignore. That's how stupid emotions can be.

So I went out with my flat mate that night, bumped into friends and had a thoroughly good time. But I caved (as you do) and called him to see where he was at after the wedding he had attended during the day.

He called back and told me he was coming to get me. He did and we retreated to his hotel room in the city. After a drink and a chat things got intimate and, well, I don't need to elaborate on that. I told him outright that I am expecting him to go back to the wife and that he needs to be honest about it. His answer '...not necessarily...' Hmm not good. I know what's about to happen and want to be prepared for it but I really don't think I will be no matter what I try to tell myself it will still hurt.

In the morning I was required to leave alone without being seen as his mate was in a room down the corridor. Yes it was coming true, the fact that I have been used as a distraction whilst he figures out if he wants to save his marriage or not has become a reality. I try to push it away but know that it is looming.

Which it did this morning. After having received numerous saucy text messages from him yesterday afternoon. He decides to say he is sorry but he has led me a merry dance and is going back to the Mrs in a week or so. But that he would call me if things change definitely. In a TEXT!!!

Fark me! Who does he think he is??? Does he honestly think I will wait around for him to make his mind up again??! What am I some sort of 'go to' girl?? Clearly in his mind I am and I am more than sure that I am responsible in some way for him thinking like that. Since I made myself far too available to him. But it was him who planted the seed in the first place that there may be some chance there and really he was being reactive and not thinking about the enormity of the situation before he opened his big fat drunken mouth.

But whilst I am disappointed to be let down, rejected, used and hurt again. I can only say that I at least know before I really fell into it and I can move on quickly. Obviously I will never talk to that person again. What a shame. I genuinely liked him and he made me laugh. It's rare thing for me to find, which is why I feel so terribly sad right now. My poor track record with men, unlike a fine wine, does not improve with age.