There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it and him and how awful his life has turned out.
I also never stop thinking about how it has affected my parents ability to be totally free in their latter years and how it drove a huge wedge in our family between all of us as we dealt with our pain separately.
I wish it had never happened for his sakes and all of us. But it did and I have to live with it as I have for the past 22 years and will do for the rest of my life.
I have decided to stay in tonight and treat myself to a relaxing bath and a home cooked meal and appreciate all I have in my life. Like my health, my freedom, my friends, the ability to work, the ability to go to the beach and run and swim and love and decorate my house and basically do all the things my brother can't and never will be able to do.
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