It's all in the hands

We’ve all had bad dates in this past but this one is gold. A good friend of mine recently went on a date with a friend of a friend of a friend. At first she was a little unsure and rightly so. We, as her best mates, had all met said date before hand on a separate occasion. At the time we all agreed he was an arrogant prick and believed we’d left him in that basket.

Except for some reason in a moment of weakness, no doubt, my girlfriend accepted a date with him. Or as she put it, he was so tricky about it she hadn’t even realized she had accepted a date with him when before she knew it she was on it!

The date turned out to be a disaster and over coffee yesterday she relayed the story to me. It went a little something like this:

He picked her up (good start) and suggested they have a drink at a pub in Surry Hills before going to dinner. What he failed to mention however was that his intentions were to watch the rugby, not get to know her over a vino.

Whilst at the pub, her delightful* date bumped into some of his male friends. After introducing them to her they stood talking about the game for a moment before wishing them luck with the date, in which he politely responded with an outrageous hand gesture that suggested he was going to get lucky with my friend that night.

And this was it:


Clearly she was horrified! What the eff??! As they walked off she asked him what that was about. His answer ‘oh I was just joking with my mates, you know”. Umm yeah you’re a tool matey.

They made their way to the restaurant for her to discover he hadn’t made a booking resulting in an hour long wait for a table, this meant more time to get to know each other (like she needed more time).

The date really wasn’t going well and he was just as arrogant as she remembered. Topics covered were: His disbelief in ‘the one’, that love isn’t real and statistically relationships don’t work so why bother getting married.


Clearly this man didn’t see my friend as a potential partner but an easy lay. He then proceeded to talk about one of the more embarrassing moments in my friends life where she had a massive fight with her then boyfriend, got smashed and decided to throw herself out there a bit at a party. We’ve all done it but really you’re bringing this up on a date!?!? Way to go buddy!

Evidently bristled by this she asks him not to mention this again as it’s not something she tends to do and was not her proudest moment. With this he gets annoyed that her mood has changed and leaves an uncomfortable silence at the table.

After ordering the most expensive thing she could find on the menu, fumbling through awkward silences and praying for time to go faster they finally finish dinner. He pays (again looks like he might have some manners at last) but no, wrong! He actually said this as he paid:

“This better get me a blowie”

OMG!!! This level of douchbag should be castrated at birth. WHAT A COCK!!!

In the cab ride home she sat as far away as possible from him just in case douchbag is something that rubs off and when he asked if she wanted to go for another drink (this man has no effing idea really!? Are you serious!?) she replied NO I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

Honestly. I was actually speechless. I’ve had one date in my life where the guy used the old ‘blow job’ line at payment time. I left him in the restaurant. HOW RUDE!

*absolutely not delightful.

Internet fating

So on the advice of my very good girlfriend I have signed up to RSVP again. Previous experience on RSVP has been largely unsuccessful, there are plenty of previous posts on this when I started this blog. Like the time I went to the Easter Show on a second RSVP date with a man and his kids. DISASTER!

Anyway said friend has been coaching me through this second foray into Internet dating as understandably I'm not convinced it's generally a successful format for me.

We discuss at length how I should write my profile and what type of pictures I should put up. The general consensus is that I should aim for INNOCENT and less OI OI ERE's ME TITS.

Naturally of course the idea is to find a potential partner not someone to have a good old bonk fest with. I mean, I don't think it's hard to find a Mr Right now tonight. The average male is pretty much always up for it so anyone who says they can't get it in this city is blatantly lying. It's finding the man who wants to stick around that is generally the problem.

RSVP is no different to the wild world of bar life to be honest. There are the guys who are clearly on their for sex and there are those who are clearly social deviants and should be avoided at all costs. Much like out in the bar. If you see a guy who looks like a potential paedo then chances are that guy is on RSVP possibly lying about himself in his profile with a shot taken in the days where he looked a lot less paedo and only slightly creepy. The thing is even if you do choose a slightly less peado shot it's RSVP and WE KNOW you're creepy. It's screams out so loud from your profile it becomes a ick fest just to delete the kiss you sent to get you off my screen. EEK!

Then there are the out and out douche bags. You know the one, he generally has some black and white shirtless profile shot with him attempting to look like he was once in a boy band. This is closely followed up with a shot of him on his bike, in his sports car and doing some extreme sports. If you're really lucky he will also have a shot of him with a cute puppy. Bleuuurrgghh. His profile headline will be some cheesy attempt at hiding his blatant reason for being on there which is for the most part sex. Then his write up with have the inevitable bullshit about how he likes to 'cook up a storm' in the kitchen and how he has 'travelled a fair bit'. Then he will talk about what a gent he is and how he likes walks on the beach and the clincher being that his favourite film is 'The Shawshank Redemption". This man lacks imagination and will likely be a dud in bed. His hope is that YOU send HIM a kiss because he is FAR too stingy to pay for a stamp to send YOU and email. Why would he, he's too pretty to pay right?! This man should be avoided.

DOUCHEBAG ALERT!!!

You may think I am being too picky but after much discussion about what to do and what not to do on RSVP my friend and I are in agreement that you can be as picky as you like on RSVP after all it's really a chance to ask for everything you look for in the perfect man. Whether that be his height, his hair colour, or where he lives. When you've got past the surface stuff you really need to look for some comedy in the profile read. One of my favourite guys on there has his headline as "I have a beard, this makes me a man" GOLD! I love it, I want him to send me a kiss but alas he has not. I think that one of the rules my gf and I made up was we will never send a kiss EVER. We are to be chased on this site and that is that.

Thus far I have had the attention of every male on there in the 40-50 age group some guys who are clearly on the creepy side, a few hilarious douche bags and those with some promise. I've replied in the positive to all those with promise. I've only had one bite and I'm worried he's a bit boring. He's may just be reserved but I'm not getting much from him over email and he's not that forthcoming with organising to meet up. I've suggested it and supplied my number. I still await!

I am an RSVP failure by the looks of it. BOO!!! Maybe I am coming across as a lady version of douche bag. I didn't use cook up a storm I promise!

Birthday this weekend and I have a hot dress and a spray tan to parade. Let's see what the weekend brings!

Well this is awkward....

So recently I was on a worky lunch at a fabulous restaurant at wooloomooloo wharf. Friday lunches here are popular with the banking and advertising peeps so I knew quite a few people.

There I was socializing away when I see a guy I have been on a few dates with over the past few weeks, with…wait for it…one of my best girlfriends!

Talk about AWKWARD!!!!!

I was so flabbergasted that all I could do was scream out ‘Oh and how do you two know each other??!?!?!” in my best double bay voice.

Apparently they met at the football, something which I have recently gotten said girlfriend into as an untapped source of men. Hmm yeah I didn’t mean MY men love!

Interestingly enough they had both invited me to attend that same game separately with them so they were destined to meet as it were. I couldn’t make it because I already had commitments with the redbull stuff I was doing.

So off back to lunch with my worky peeps I went holding my head high whilst inwardly feeling really quite f*cked off. Not that I have much right to but a bruise to the ego is a bruise to the ego and this one was the type of bruise you get when you walk into the corner of the table. Short sharp and shocking.

This particular breed of male and I had had about 3 dates in total all of which were good dates and seemed promising but he never really seemed to follow it up so time between dates was quite lengthy. I did seem something was amiss but I put it down to perhaps he wasn’t that interested after all and I was merely a stopgap between other dates. Looks like I was right about that. Arrggghhhh how dare he use me when he gets bored!

What’s worse is that this guy is a tad on the creepy side. I met him at the polo in the park about a year ago and at the time he was relatively sleazy, I put it down to him having been on the champers all day and gave him another chance. But the sense of creepiness never really went away. In retrospect she did me a favour, at least now I know what he’s really like and what he really thinks of me.

At one point my friend went to the bathroom and he sidled over, as he does, to have a ‘chat’ – fook off seriously! In order to make him know how I felt about the entire episode I asked him if he would like my phone so he could call up my other girlfriends for a date. He didn’t like that. Whatevs TOSSER!!