Tuesday, April 28, 2009

L L L LOSER

I feel like RSVP is for losers and losers only. When faced with profiles that have such lines as:
I like to cook up a storm in the kitchen or I'm looking for my partner in crime or I love to travel and can't wait to see what this big wide world holds: I'm wondering if a) no one has any imagination left  or b) this site is for losers.

Am I a loser??!?! Holy moly! The thing that really drives me mad apart from the above 3 standard issue profile statements is also the inclusion of 'The Shawshank Redemption"in the favourite films section. Yes it is a good film but does everybody have to put it in their profile??? It's like the film industry only made one bloody film for god's sake. Surely of the huge amount of films pumped out by Hollywood and local film industry's globally there must be something other than Shawshank bloody redemption you can find interesting?!?!! It makes me think that these people have no mind of their own. I guess what I am saying is unless you want to be classed as an unimaginative moron then put something that might at least say something about the kind of person you are! For instance: Anchorman - indicative of sense of humour, Leon -(film noir) sense of cultural interest and possibly into french films overall, Vin Diesel XXX - like blockbuster movies and silly boy movies - but at least I know something about you from this.

I have also signed up for speed dating and some dinner for singles thingo! But that's all happening later in May. Something to look forward to eh?

In the meantime though I guess I shall persevere with RSVP and meet some more people who are no doubt cooking up a storm in the kitchen whilst watching The Shawshank Redemption. What joy!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm too sexy for my shirt

Last night I attended a good friends leaving drinks. There I was casually standing at the bar ordering my glass of Sav Blanc when I see a guy on the other side giving me the eye. I look directly at him and he was indeed quite a looker but in all honesty I was there to see friends and was not looking to get into a deep discussion with a potential partner.

Nevertheless he came over to my side and said the following:
"Anzac day two years ago', I look blankly at him, "nathan" look of blankness again, 'Rachel isn't it?' now I'm getting worried as I still have no recollection of who this person is. After an awkward silence and more blank staring from me the penny drops.

This guy is unbelieveable! He and I first caught each other's attention  two years ago on anzac day - that much was true. In fact we had got on quite well and ended up having a sneaky pash. He took my number with promises of calling to take me out. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. Being a modern woman I decided to take this situation by the balls and call him. He was apologetic about his slackness and promised to call to arrange a date. Again I waited and waited but nothing happened so I deleted his number from my phone and forgot about him.

Cut to some months later (I forget how many exactly) and I see him again, this time in the North Bondi RSL. Again we catch each others eye and there is definitely still some attraction there. Again he promises to call and take me out. Again nothing bloody happens. This guy is starting to piss me off. I mean what is his game? Or indeed his problem? If he doesn't want to take me out why does he keep frigging asking me out for gods sake. So annoying!  

Anyway so I see him again the night before Anzac day(last night) and he tells me he has been eyeing me up from afar and asking all his mates who I am and that I am the hottest girl he has ever seen. The he realises who I am after seeing me at the bar. He insists on telling me he has a girlfriend now. That's nice for you I say. I asked him why he kept messing me around all those times and he said that he was going through a messy time and I wouldn't have wanted to be with him. I didn't ask for details I really wasn't interested.

I told him I was still single and that I wasn't sure why it seemed so impossible to find someone. He then proceeded to tell me that it was because I am too sexy and that men are intimidated by me! Is this a back handed compliment? Is this supposed to help?! My reply was "I'm dressed in a grey jumper and jeans it's not like I'm asking for it is it??!?!?!' perhaps I missed the point!


Friday, April 24, 2009

Respondez s'il vous plait

The advertising campaign for the RSVP dating site is based on a set of statistics about the people who surround us..for example 50% of men are married, 10% are accountants, 15% have questionable hair styles and the rest of them are tools.
Since I have worked in the advertising industry for 10 years I am possibly more susceptible to campaign key phrases and the last one from the RSVP TVC stayed with me. Perhaps because it rang true.
So, this in mind my profile on RSVP has the following headline:
"I believed the ad and realised that the percentage of men I usually meet are tools. Apparently the rest are on here...."

Ok so in a roundabout way this is an open minded statement. I am open to the idea of meeting someone online but I still think it's an odd way to go about it. But I have friends who have met, married and procreated with people from RSVP and so I must give it a go before I poo poo it entirely as a concept.

I was slightly calculated about my profile though I have to admit. Naturally I did some research on what the other women on the site were using as their hook. From what I could see a total load of tosh about beach walks, loving friends and being bubbly or some other vaguely disguised princess like quality. Thinking this is far from how I want to be perceived I put up a photograph of me with no make-up on, taken from the camera on my macbook, not the most flattering but did the trick. I don't think I look like a horror nor do I look like Vampires bride with a "I'm a model" pout stuck on the front of my face. I also took the liberty of using comedy as the main part of my 'about me' section. Finishing it off after some guff about reading sunday papers whilst drinking coffee and laughing alot with the line:
"I'd like to put walks on the beach but only because it's ridiculous and do people really do that???"
This, I must say has had a lot of the men who have contacted me quite amused. Which I guess was the point of it. My hook was to stand out from the crowd by using what the crowd use in a different way.
It's not just the chicks who right horrendous profiles though. The walks on the beach line actually appears in all seriousness in far too many profiles for my liking. It's almost laughable except I feel a bit sorry for these people as it's damned hard to write a profile about yourself. What we see ourselves as is probably quite different to what we actually are and certainly very different to how our friends would view us.

Some of the men on the site actually use what I was take as quite threatening or at least it has an underlying tone of that in their headlines and profiles. Things like: Don't reply to kiss and ask me to waste a stamp on you if you are not going to reply. Or: No game players or princesses.
ok so we've all been guilty of some game play at some time or another and sometimes when you start talking to someone whether online or in a pub you realise that person is a twat and you no longer want to continue chatting to them. In cyberspace if someone spends god forbid a STAMP on you (approx. $10) then you are obliged to spank off your time chatting with this fool about his love of V8's or something. It's the equivalent of buying someone a drink in a bar. Whilst you might not like the fact that they took the drink and ran at least you know instantly that there is nothing there to pursue. Not so in cyberspace. It kinda freaks me out and this is why I think I have thus far been unsuccessful.

But let's get on to the actual dates. So far I have been on 3 dates. Not much in the space of 6 weeks I must admit but there has been a lot of online chatting and not much action. 

Date 1: Profile read: 6ft tall, dark hair, blue eyes, 34. Person who turned up: 5ft9 at best dark hair, blue eyes 34.
The date was strange from the offset. D1 we shall call him or 6ft wannabe basically spent the rest of the time I was with him trying to outwit me with his quips and odd behaviour. He's not as quick witted as me though and I walked all over him with my counterslams which left him fumbling for words and falling over his own jokes. It ended with him picking up his phone and reading and laughing out loud to a text message right in front of me. The height of rudeness! What a prick! I said my goodbyes and left. He subsequently asked me out 4 times after that via text message which I basically ignored after being polite on the first two and then received a a message 2 weeks later along the lines of "cool. See you then." Ok why are you still thinking about me?!?

Date 2: profile read: 6ft, brown hair, green eyes, 36 builder. Person who turned up: 6ft, green eyes, 36 builder. So far so good. Quite handsome too. Felt myself actually thinking there might be something there in the 'sexy times' stakes. We had a good amount of chat, he was very polite. He also had children but that wasn't something i was too concerned about. We finished the date with a kiss and decided to do date number 2 at the easter show with his kids......
.....oh my good lord. What was I thinking agreeing to that??? 

Date 2 with Date 2 was a disaster. I was open to it spending the day with his kids. But he was ill prepared for a man with a 4 and 5 year old. He had bought tickets for him and his daughters to the show prior to me arriving at the train station to meet him. Hmmm....ok I can let that go tickets are pricey and there are 3 of them. He was feeding them pies and sausage rolls so they were covered in tomato sauce and pastry already. He had no tissues with which to clean these little tikes up with and frankly no one should want to discuss parenting techniques on a second date but the date continued like this: youngest child was horrendously naughty the entire day. Threw about 14 tantrums and wet herself. Both children were stuffed with more ice cream, lollies and fizzy drinks than I have ever seen a small person consume. The entire day was spent doing what naughty tantrum lady wanted to do. I had to pay for my own lunch and theirs after negotiating with madam for some me time in the day to eat before I fainted. We had to queue up for 20 minutes in the ATM line because he didn't get money before we left like any normal person would do. I spent all day cleaning up dirty hands and faces with varying amounts of serviettes I picked up here and there. Kids are hard but I reckon the key is to be organised. But what would I know I don't have any yet.
The agreement was that he would at least get me a showbag for my trouble. Except he spent all his showbag money on the girls and didn't even offer me a lolly.
I left in a hurry with a very bad headache and utterly exhausted. We have never spoken since funnily enough!

Date 3: This guy looked like a model in his photos and a little pretentious. My flattie and I were laughing at him as his photo's were very blue steel and so I felt I had to meet up with him purely to see if he was true to his photos's. Simple answer...No. He had clearly put some weight on since then and they were model photo's so probably about 10 years old. Oh dear. He was a nice chappie though and we had a very pleasant date. The art gallery for the archibald and then wine and dinner at a local wine bar. He paid for everything and didn't mind when I ordered a bottle of decently priced french wine which was delicious! Alas, I didn't fancy him and whilst he did ask me out for dinner a couple more times I was gracious enough to tell him I had no romantic interest in him and wished him well on his search. To which he wished me luck back. 

Date 4: I cancelled last night as I was not in the mood. Bad attitude but this one can wait.

Out of the many contact kisses I have had on the site many of them have been dismissed for such things as poor spelling, bad hair, bad teeth, dodgy photo's (like topless look at my abs ones) and geographical vicinity. I think I might be misguided in using RSVP as a tool to my dating success. I will give it 3 more weeks before I check out of there to pursue another avenue.



Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's life Bro but not as we know it..

Ok so having realised I have a brother issue I need to know what it is then that I want from a partner that I didn't get from a sibling. And then the next thing is to work out whether this is healthy or not.
Let's look at Brothers:
Brothers are usually annoying when you are younger and protective when you are older. Reliable and trustworthy, have your best interests at heart and sometimes your saviour in time of need.

Partners:
Partners are usually annoying when drunk and protective the rest of the time. See above for the rest.

Hmm I see a correlation but is this incorrect? Perhaps I need to do a survey? Should a partner be like a brother? What would Freud say? Am I sick? Is this where I don't understand and therefore fail at relationships?

In order to dissect this I'll go back a step. I see a potential partner as someone to hang out with and have fun, go on adventures and well let's call it 'play' with. 
Rather like a....sibling....
Obviously this is only one part of it but it's important nonetheless. I mean why be with someone you don't like being around?? 

Also eventually a partner is hopefully going to be part of your future family and therefore that family bond becomes more important. So if this is the glue that holds people together is it therefore ok to assume that wanting to be with someone like your brother (for example) is actually acceptable? Freud's Oedipus complex theory tells us that we are pre-destined to choose a partner like our father or mother depending on your sex. This is also apparently more strongly felt when the relationship with relevant parent was based on the child never gaining the attention they really craved from that parent. Could this then be an explanation as to why I feel the need to find a partner whom could be also like a brother? I had a brother but I didn't have a brother. He was there in flesh but he wasn't the same brother I expected I would have pre accident.  Am I now looking for a substitute and is this making a possible relationship improbable given that most partners would want to be seen in a different light?

I'm going to do some research on this and also quiz my good male friends on their thoughts about it. 

In the meantime in order to embark on my actual partner finding journey I have signed up to RSVP. That in itself is worthy of it's own post!


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The evaluation process

Let's see:
Friends - check. I have those, quite a lot actually. A good mix of male, female and downright weird.

Family - check. Yes I have that and for the most part I don't have a huge problem with them. I'm not that close to my parents insomuch that I feel the need to tell my mother every detail of my life or run to my Daddy when I have a slight monetry issue. So all healthy on that front. My brother on the other hand is a possible issue. We don't talk. Not because we fell out. But because we don't have anything in common or anything to talk about. This is due to the fact that he had a very serious car accident when I was 11 and he is now severely brain damaged and paralysed. This bothers me sometimes. I feel I have lost a sibling and never really had chance to have that relationship that other people have with their brothers and sisters. We effectively grew up apart since he was mostly in hospital and by the time he was living at home I was in that stage of my teens where hanging with my disabled brother was an absolute no no. Ashamed as I am of that now, I am sure most people can relate to how it feels to be 15 and that everything to do with your family is utterly embarrassing.

I then left for university and my life went off in a different direction to where he was stuck due to his injuries. It's emotionally time consuming as a sibling to experience this. On the one hand you feel the need to grieve the loss and on the other you still need to be there to support your family. I never really melded the two very well, I never wanted any of that in my life and so felt I had to leave England to try and understand it all.

From a family's point of view this was the most horrific thing I could have ever done. But I had to be selfish about it all otherwise my life would have been dictated by that one incident. Believe it or not it doesn't matter how far away I am geographically from it. It is still with me wherever I go and like it or not it still has the power to dictate so much of what my life is about.
This is where I believe my relationship delving needs to start.

Life partner: work in progress

It all started with an email

Last week I received an email from a friend whom I had recently spent time with overseas telling me that her life was so much better than mine now that she is in a settled relationship and effectively labelling me as the evil past. 

Naturally I was quite shocked to receive such information. I mean as far as I could see it was a two way street in the going out and socialising calander and in fact I often felt like the ugly mate wingman purely there whilst she searched for her man. 

Whilst I applaud such ability to consistently go and look for a man, I don't think I need to be berated for being the wingman and the supposed perpetrator of such behaviour. She had an agenda, she got what she wanted, hurrah! Job done. Now I am tarnished with the 'filthy past' brush and as a reminder of it to her I now am required to change myself in order to fit in with her new settled and apparently better lifestyle. 
It was quite patronising in it's tone and I definitely felt a tinge of 'poor you' coming through.
So. left feeling a bit deflated and effectively not good enough to be someone's friend purely because I am still single at the age of 33 I started to re-evaluate my life and the relationships in it.

I've had my fair share of bad times like most people and I don't feel the need to go into detail here. They are in the past, one significant and more recent incident involves a destructive relationship that took years for me to rebuild my life from. Now, as I face the future I need to discover what it is I really want from someone of the opposite sex and who I would imagine that person to be. 

This blog is purely about my experience with the men in Sydney, the place I find myself in with my friends who are in relationships or not and how this town deals with the opposite sex on both sides of the fence.
It's a journey of self discovery and a sharing of stories about my terrible dating ability and possibly secrets depending on what kind of dater you are!