Who needs a name?!?

A few weeks ago I went for a long boozy lunch with a girlfriend and ended up having evening drinks at Mrs Sippy's in Double Bay.

As you can imagine despite having a hefty lunch this little lushie couldn’t quite take the epic drinking hours in her stride and was rather tipsy by the time the local talent was arriving at double bay’s hottest new bar.

With the courage of a cup of whiskey I stride up to a bunch of young gents and swiftly introduce myself, flirt outrageously and possibly incoherently and manage to swap numbers with one of them.

The thing is.... I have no idea who. Whoever it was had sent me a text message around midnight that same night which read as follows:

“Hey…just met you but want to root you later. Give me a call”

Um…..thankfully I was getting some much needed sleep when this arrived. But is this man serious!?!? ROOT you! LATER?!?!?! I had to laugh. This man got front. I showed it to a couple of my good male friends who evidently thought it was bonza. Whatevs Neanderthals!

I have to admit I did think it was funny but only because I had no idea who it came from and thought it might have actually been a joke.

I thought nothing more of it until last week I was back at said venue after the polo and bumped into a friend who I saw the night of the ‘root’ message. He was with a young gent also there that night and I immediately pulled out the message and asked him if it was him who had sent it. Appalled this guy replid NO very convincingly and they all proceeded to laugh. I was like ok let’s call it then and see if YOU answer. So I did. And no it wasn’t the man standing in front of me. EEK!

I proceeded to ask the man on the line his name which I again immediately forgot. Mainly because I freaked myself out that I had the balls to call him!

Mystery root messenger then sent me sms’s about wanting to buy me a drink and that he was driving so he would pick me up etc…this went on for a while. But I had by then gone home and tucked myself up in bed yet again. This time I didn't wake up to another invitation to be 'rooted' thankfully. Whoever you are you seem keen so I hope to god you’re a good sort after all this!

Again I think nothing more about it until yesterday when I receive another text message from MRM asking if I was free for dinner the next night. Hmmm this is better, an invitation for dinner…we’re making progress. Ok I say and we agree to go for an early dinner as I have a party to go to later that night.

The problem is, I STILL do not know this person’s name. Mortified I finally tell my flattie about this issue and she saves the day by calling him from my home phone which has a blocked number and asked for Jacob (I hope to god his name is not Jacob!!!) Sweating over this small fact whilst she plays detective I finally breathe when it turns out he is NOT in fact Jacob. THANK GOD for that WE HAVE A NAME!!!

So, we’re off for a spot of dinner tonight and he’s picking me up. I still don’t know what he looks like so wish me luck!!

All this from the man who brought you the ‘I want to root you later” message.

Obviously the next blog will be about this dinner…….what this space for more!

xoxo

Dodging a mangina

Recently my lovely flattie asked me how RSVP was going. Not very well I replied whilst simultaneously checking the emails on my phone. As I said this an email kiss popped up from the site.

Oh! I exclaimed, just got a kiss. Let's see who it's from.

As luck would have it, turns out he's not a bad sort. Great, I'll reply in the affirmative and see where it goes. I have a funny feeling I know this guy but just it down to possibly familiarity in his facial features and think nothing more of it.

I receive an email from said suitor and it looks like we have a) a few things in common b) he's not bad to look at and c) he's interested. So far so good.

After a couple of emails we exchange numbers and agree to catch up that Thursday. Cool, date sorted. Feeling suitably ego boosted.

On the wednesday I have a meeting at an ad agency. During this meeting a lot of people attend and there is a somewhat familiar face amongst the crowd. There is a guy in an atrocious orange polo shirt who looks like the guy I am going on a date with the next night. NO! Surely not? Coincidence? Must be.

Slightly freaked out but keeping my cool I continue the meeting like the true professional I am. On the way I check my phone and see a message from my date asking if I was in company x's reception area. Yes! I say I thought there was a face in the crowd that looked like you. Fnar fnar giggles giggles about his gross shirt and confirmation of the next nights date. All cool.

Thursday arrives I get ready and go to meet my date. For some reason I am actually nervous on the way there, so much so I get a headache freaking myself out about it. All good though, the date went amazingly well. We laughed and joked and got on fine. Went to dinner and parted ways around 11:30pm. He sent me a message after telling me he'd had a good day and hoped to see me again.

Great! Finally some success. This shit does work!

We're both reasonably busy over the weekend so I don't expect to hear from him until the following week. Which I didn't. Which confused me a little.

Concerned that I have another meeting in the same building he works in again I decide it's probably best to send a message to inform him I will be in there, not to panic should he see me and hope he's not wearing his orange shirt again as that would be awkward! He replies with this:

"That shirt has been relegated to car and window washing. I'm pretty busy. Might see you around."

Might see you around?? Ok, so he's brushed me. At least now I know. Although I can't fathom how he got to that from "hope to see you again". I'm super confused.

Turns out we have a mutual friend. Who then calls me out of the blue for a catch up. During said catch up she informs me Mr Orange Polo has a reputation of doing this, that he chased her for months and when she finally gave in he acted like the complete douche he is and brushed her quicker than you can say abracadabra. She also informed me that he's the type of bloke who pulls his pants down at parties and performs.......the MANGINA! EWWWWW gross. Looks like I dodged a bullet there. Seriously! What the f*ck!?! Who the feck wants someone like that? This guy is in his mid 30's haven't you grown out of that yet?

She also told me he is punching well above his weight if he thinks he should or could be dating me. Fooking right!

Girlfriends are amazing like that!

Anyone for Polo?

Every year Paspaley hold and event in Centennial park called "polo in the city" it's quite the show let me tell you.

Polo boys in their white polo pants galloping around on those fearless ponies whilst weilding a hammer. It's all very exciting.

Most of the eastern suburbs of sydney are well versed in this event and the ladies turn it on with some heavy preparation of outfits, spray tans and blow dries. They do all look really good. The boys don't make much effort to be honest but they don't need to. The girls are there to find a man and they don't care what he's wearing!

Unfortunately for me, this year I had to attend the event on crutches with a foot injury. This did NOTHING for my pulling ability. And I mean NOTHING. Not even a bat of sympathy for the 'retard' that I was appearing to be. I put on a pretty white sundress and tried to go for the 'damsel in distress' innocent angle. It was pointless. No one wanted to talk to me in case they caught my crutches disease. Actually that's a lie one, quite hot boy, said 'hottest thing on crutches" can't work out if that's a compliment or not. If I hadn't been on crutches would I just be hot??

She looks hot on crutches but that's Gwyneth Paltrow. I'd like to think I looked as good as this too!

Talking of hot the day was literally boiling and most of the ladies were swooning by the only available fans or desprately trying to hide in the little shade there was. I was trying to wrangle a seat in the shade...as you can imagine this was a challenge given some ladies are actually CHAIR NAZIS. WTF?!?!

Me: hi could I please use on of these chairs until your friends come back

Chair Nazi: NO they are all being used

Me: Yes I know that but I will give it back

CN:... silence....

Me: Don't worry about, I'm only on crutches I'll stand in the sun. (sarcasm)

I really hated her at that point. In the end her friend got up and gave me her chair. How embarrassment for the chair nazi. She looked like a right beatch at that point. GOOD!

As the day went on I went to another part of the event to talk to the polo boys and the celebs in the veuve clicquot tent. Definitely more potential here but my girlfriend wanted to stay in the corporate section. So off I went chatted to a few nice boys and then returned to find my girlfriend had left!

Yes she left me, a person on crutches, on my own in the middle of the park. I was horrified.

If only a nice young man had come to save me....alas this didn't happen. An older gent did ask me if I was ok and told me he would ensure I got home ok. Which was a relief because I was close to tears at this point. Definitely working that 'damsel in distress' angle.

Chivalry amongst young men is dead.

This makes me sad.

Daytime TV is rubbish

So I got made redundant recently. This has put a proverbial spanner in the works on the dating front. Mainly because my confidence has taken a big knock from this and I'm struggling to find the motivation to update my CV.

During my 'time off" I did manage to meet up with a guy from RSVP for a coffee. However, I panicked that I did not have a legitimate excuse to leave since I don't have a job to go to, therefore no meetings, or back to work excuses could be allowed. Hmm what's that about??

He was actually a really nice guy and I ended up having 2 coffees (dangerous) whilst he demonstrated by use of sugar sticks how I should stretch my hip flexors more as this was the cause of my back problems. He's a physio so if anything he did have his uses as free advice on how to sort my ongoing back pain.

There was talk of meeting up to play a game of tennis but it hasn't eventuated. This may have something to do with the fact that he can't actually play. He told me he tends to miss the ball a lot. Eh?! You just have to look at the ball at all times it's not that hard!

He has called, I just haven't called him back. I'm blaming concentration on trying to find my mojo so I can get a JOB as the reason for the not calling back yet.

It's true my sparkle has gone a little. I hope to get it back soon because summer is coming and I'm really in a bit of a mess. Can't do much exercise due to my back and have no job. Normally I would fill this time with excessive amounts of exercise but as I can't do that I feel stuck in a rut and at a bit of a loss. There's only so many CV's you can send out. I even watched Days of our lives the other day. It's rubbish. It's beyond me why people watch it. Ellen DeGeneres is crap too. Big hoo har about nothing.

It's a waiting game on the job front now...... someone save me from the perils of daytime TV!!!!

It's all in the hands

We’ve all had bad dates in this past but this one is gold. A good friend of mine recently went on a date with a friend of a friend of a friend. At first she was a little unsure and rightly so. We, as her best mates, had all met said date before hand on a separate occasion. At the time we all agreed he was an arrogant prick and believed we’d left him in that basket.

Except for some reason in a moment of weakness, no doubt, my girlfriend accepted a date with him. Or as she put it, he was so tricky about it she hadn’t even realized she had accepted a date with him when before she knew it she was on it!

The date turned out to be a disaster and over coffee yesterday she relayed the story to me. It went a little something like this:

He picked her up (good start) and suggested they have a drink at a pub in Surry Hills before going to dinner. What he failed to mention however was that his intentions were to watch the rugby, not get to know her over a vino.

Whilst at the pub, her delightful* date bumped into some of his male friends. After introducing them to her they stood talking about the game for a moment before wishing them luck with the date, in which he politely responded with an outrageous hand gesture that suggested he was going to get lucky with my friend that night.

And this was it:


Clearly she was horrified! What the eff??! As they walked off she asked him what that was about. His answer ‘oh I was just joking with my mates, you know”. Umm yeah you’re a tool matey.

They made their way to the restaurant for her to discover he hadn’t made a booking resulting in an hour long wait for a table, this meant more time to get to know each other (like she needed more time).

The date really wasn’t going well and he was just as arrogant as she remembered. Topics covered were: His disbelief in ‘the one’, that love isn’t real and statistically relationships don’t work so why bother getting married.


Clearly this man didn’t see my friend as a potential partner but an easy lay. He then proceeded to talk about one of the more embarrassing moments in my friends life where she had a massive fight with her then boyfriend, got smashed and decided to throw herself out there a bit at a party. We’ve all done it but really you’re bringing this up on a date!?!? Way to go buddy!

Evidently bristled by this she asks him not to mention this again as it’s not something she tends to do and was not her proudest moment. With this he gets annoyed that her mood has changed and leaves an uncomfortable silence at the table.

After ordering the most expensive thing she could find on the menu, fumbling through awkward silences and praying for time to go faster they finally finish dinner. He pays (again looks like he might have some manners at last) but no, wrong! He actually said this as he paid:

“This better get me a blowie”

OMG!!! This level of douchbag should be castrated at birth. WHAT A COCK!!!

In the cab ride home she sat as far away as possible from him just in case douchbag is something that rubs off and when he asked if she wanted to go for another drink (this man has no effing idea really!? Are you serious!?) she replied NO I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

Honestly. I was actually speechless. I’ve had one date in my life where the guy used the old ‘blow job’ line at payment time. I left him in the restaurant. HOW RUDE!

*absolutely not delightful.

Internet fating

So on the advice of my very good girlfriend I have signed up to RSVP again. Previous experience on RSVP has been largely unsuccessful, there are plenty of previous posts on this when I started this blog. Like the time I went to the Easter Show on a second RSVP date with a man and his kids. DISASTER!

Anyway said friend has been coaching me through this second foray into Internet dating as understandably I'm not convinced it's generally a successful format for me.

We discuss at length how I should write my profile and what type of pictures I should put up. The general consensus is that I should aim for INNOCENT and less OI OI ERE's ME TITS.

Naturally of course the idea is to find a potential partner not someone to have a good old bonk fest with. I mean, I don't think it's hard to find a Mr Right now tonight. The average male is pretty much always up for it so anyone who says they can't get it in this city is blatantly lying. It's finding the man who wants to stick around that is generally the problem.

RSVP is no different to the wild world of bar life to be honest. There are the guys who are clearly on their for sex and there are those who are clearly social deviants and should be avoided at all costs. Much like out in the bar. If you see a guy who looks like a potential paedo then chances are that guy is on RSVP possibly lying about himself in his profile with a shot taken in the days where he looked a lot less paedo and only slightly creepy. The thing is even if you do choose a slightly less peado shot it's RSVP and WE KNOW you're creepy. It's screams out so loud from your profile it becomes a ick fest just to delete the kiss you sent to get you off my screen. EEK!

Then there are the out and out douche bags. You know the one, he generally has some black and white shirtless profile shot with him attempting to look like he was once in a boy band. This is closely followed up with a shot of him on his bike, in his sports car and doing some extreme sports. If you're really lucky he will also have a shot of him with a cute puppy. Bleuuurrgghh. His profile headline will be some cheesy attempt at hiding his blatant reason for being on there which is for the most part sex. Then his write up with have the inevitable bullshit about how he likes to 'cook up a storm' in the kitchen and how he has 'travelled a fair bit'. Then he will talk about what a gent he is and how he likes walks on the beach and the clincher being that his favourite film is 'The Shawshank Redemption". This man lacks imagination and will likely be a dud in bed. His hope is that YOU send HIM a kiss because he is FAR too stingy to pay for a stamp to send YOU and email. Why would he, he's too pretty to pay right?! This man should be avoided.

DOUCHEBAG ALERT!!!

You may think I am being too picky but after much discussion about what to do and what not to do on RSVP my friend and I are in agreement that you can be as picky as you like on RSVP after all it's really a chance to ask for everything you look for in the perfect man. Whether that be his height, his hair colour, or where he lives. When you've got past the surface stuff you really need to look for some comedy in the profile read. One of my favourite guys on there has his headline as "I have a beard, this makes me a man" GOLD! I love it, I want him to send me a kiss but alas he has not. I think that one of the rules my gf and I made up was we will never send a kiss EVER. We are to be chased on this site and that is that.

Thus far I have had the attention of every male on there in the 40-50 age group some guys who are clearly on the creepy side, a few hilarious douche bags and those with some promise. I've replied in the positive to all those with promise. I've only had one bite and I'm worried he's a bit boring. He's may just be reserved but I'm not getting much from him over email and he's not that forthcoming with organising to meet up. I've suggested it and supplied my number. I still await!

I am an RSVP failure by the looks of it. BOO!!! Maybe I am coming across as a lady version of douche bag. I didn't use cook up a storm I promise!

Birthday this weekend and I have a hot dress and a spray tan to parade. Let's see what the weekend brings!

Well this is awkward....

So recently I was on a worky lunch at a fabulous restaurant at wooloomooloo wharf. Friday lunches here are popular with the banking and advertising peeps so I knew quite a few people.

There I was socializing away when I see a guy I have been on a few dates with over the past few weeks, with…wait for it…one of my best girlfriends!

Talk about AWKWARD!!!!!

I was so flabbergasted that all I could do was scream out ‘Oh and how do you two know each other??!?!?!” in my best double bay voice.

Apparently they met at the football, something which I have recently gotten said girlfriend into as an untapped source of men. Hmm yeah I didn’t mean MY men love!

Interestingly enough they had both invited me to attend that same game separately with them so they were destined to meet as it were. I couldn’t make it because I already had commitments with the redbull stuff I was doing.

So off back to lunch with my worky peeps I went holding my head high whilst inwardly feeling really quite f*cked off. Not that I have much right to but a bruise to the ego is a bruise to the ego and this one was the type of bruise you get when you walk into the corner of the table. Short sharp and shocking.

This particular breed of male and I had had about 3 dates in total all of which were good dates and seemed promising but he never really seemed to follow it up so time between dates was quite lengthy. I did seem something was amiss but I put it down to perhaps he wasn’t that interested after all and I was merely a stopgap between other dates. Looks like I was right about that. Arrggghhhh how dare he use me when he gets bored!

What’s worse is that this guy is a tad on the creepy side. I met him at the polo in the park about a year ago and at the time he was relatively sleazy, I put it down to him having been on the champers all day and gave him another chance. But the sense of creepiness never really went away. In retrospect she did me a favour, at least now I know what he’s really like and what he really thinks of me.

At one point my friend went to the bathroom and he sidled over, as he does, to have a ‘chat’ – fook off seriously! In order to make him know how I felt about the entire episode I asked him if he would like my phone so he could call up my other girlfriends for a date. He didn’t like that. Whatevs TOSSER!!