No sex in this city: 2012

Monday, February 13, 2012

Stupid Cupid

So looks like Valentines day is upon us again. I must admit it crept up on me and mostly because I couldn't give a rats ass about it. It's just another day and having been through many singles years and crappy relationships where the excuse from said male is 'why be romantic on only one day of the year?" yes why when you can basically not be romantic at all throughout the rest of the year loser. That's why we are no longer together TOOL! It's a standard issue statement from most men I know so let's just be honest with ourselves ladies...

MEN HATE VALENTINES DAY!

They hate everything about it. Without going in the historical or religious aspects to it, Hallmark basically own valentines day and are pretty much to blame for the entire hoo har that is has become. The thought of having to spend an extortionate amount of cold hard cash on a bunch of roses, box of chocolates or some shite set menu at an overcrowded restaurant makes them want to run a mile. Never mind having to actually make a statement of love via a card!

The hills where are the hills?!?

If anything is going to make a man run away it's having to admit he has this thing called FEELINGS to you the person he puts his penis inside on a regular basis.

Boys you do need to be aware that vally day is actually of some importance to a lot of us ladies and if you miss the opp to get your annual bj then it's your own fault for not knowing your partner very well. You don't have to go all out the main point is your missus just wants to feel wanted and loved and that in a nutshell means she wants a bit of your time. one on one, just the two of you.
That really is the secret to a successful VDay bang.

So let's look at some creative ways to make valentines day a romantic day without all the fuss:

Cook her dinner, light some candles, play some sexy times music and woo the pants off her
Run her a bath then give her a massage, candles her pretty much going to be standard across the board here so be prepared! Get in the bath with her if you can fit!
If you live near the beach tell her your going to surprise her and then grab a blanky, a bottle of her favourite vino and sit on the beach with fish and chips watching the sunset. (take some tealights for extra romance if you like)
Have a carpet picnic if you can't be arsed to go out - get some nice cheeses, wine and sit and talk for a while. Play scrabble or chess if you are so inclined.
If you're really lazy then get a DVD of the sort of movie you would NEVER watch but she would love and order food in. Don't forget the wine - wine is imperitive for removal of pants.
Make a chocolate fondue and buy strawberries and marshmallows to feed to each other
Play strip poker with each other
Give her a foot massage and ask her about her day over a glass of wine or a beer.
Go for a walk along the beach *extreme cliche
Say happy valentines day darling, give her a kiss, tell her you love and appreciate her and that you are looking forward to spending the night with her. She will melt!

Final tips turn off the phone and the TV and DO NOT play special ops computer game or whatever is the trend now. It's not going to get you any brownie points.

Just as a side note I once made a bikini out of bubble wrap for my boy on v day in the hope we could roll around and make popping noises. Yes I have some odd ideas. He loved it because it was original! So get thinking!

Cupid sends his regards....

Friday, January 13, 2012

SUP baby?!

This year I am about adventures and doing something different in order to open up the dating scene for 2012.

So, the other day I went Stand Up Paddleboarding or SUP as it’s known in the biz. The nearest SUP centre to me is the one in Rose Bay run by Oz SUP and the delightful David Bell or Belly as he is commonly referred to.

For those not in the know stand up paddleboarding is an all over body exercise favoured by such beauties as Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson and other such beachy babes we all wish we could be.

On this particular day there was a 3hr tour of the harbor which I tagged onto the end of. It’s best to choose a day with no wind so that the water is relatively flat and easy to paddle through. If you can get a picture perfect Sydney day like I did then it’s a total bonus because it is truly an amazing experience.

Belly takes you through the equipment and how to use the board at the start. It’s actually a lot easier than you think and we spent about 30 minutes getting used to the board, the paddle and the different techniques, you know the important ones like moving forward, turning and stopping!

After this Belly took us around the harbor towards point piper and beyond. We had to navigate the arrival of a ferry at Rose bay terminal which along with the waves generated by the ferry came a bit of a wind resulting in me being blown out towards the middle of the harbor. I’m not the strongest of people so I was in a slight panic at this point wondering if I would ever make it back. Belly wasn’t fazed though and he was right not to be. Once I put my back into it I was away again.

Paddle boarding is not hard per se but it does use muscles you may not have used for a while. It’s particularly good for core stability and since the tour was a solid 2.5 hours of actual paddling I can assure you I am feeling it today. But it’s totally worth it. There were a total of 5 people in our group. Most of whom had received the tour as a birthday gift. The 3 hour morning tours cost $70 and run on Tuesday’s, Thursdays, Saturday and Sunday's. This covers the initial lesson, the tour by bay expert Belly and coffee/breakfast half way through. I thoroughly enjoyed it. There was only 1 single man on the tour but I can only assume as it was a weekday that the weekend tours might be more full of prospective fellas! As it’s becoming more and more popular with the young folk and as it’s still tourist season it’s definitely an avenue to be explored.

In any case I have heard the oh so handsome Burgess brothers are frequenters to this particular paddle boarding establishment so you may bump into them if you go down! There’s enough of them to chose from after all! That's Sam, George and Luke above.

Woah! You can't argue with that now can you!

And not to miss the fella’s who read this out I hear Jesinta Campbell and Charlotte Dawson have been known to pop down so you never know who you might meet of an early morning!

Board hire is $25 per hour and group lessons start as low as $30. Grab some friends and get down there! Contact Belly on 0423 733 061 or go to www.ozsup.com.au for more details.

Just as a side note people generally don’t fall in as it’s quite easy to master. Unless of course you are me and lose concentration looking at all the fab houses wondering whose they are. Then you might fall in spectacularly in front of the ferry terminal and a lot of people like I may or may not have done…..yeah I’m a catch!